| The famous speaker
who no one had heard of said:
Ladies and jellyspoons, hobos and tramps,
cross-eyed mosquitos and bow-legged ants,
I stand before you to sit behind you
to tell you something I know nothing about.
Next Thursday, which is Good Friday,
there's a Mother's Day meeting for fathers only;
wear your best clothes if you haven't any.
Please come if you can't; if you can, stay at home.
Admission is free, pay at the door;
pull up a chair and sit on the floor.
It makes no difference where you sit,
the man in the gallery's sure to spit.
The show is over, but before you go,
let me tell you a story I don't really know.
One bright day in the middle of the night,
two dead boys got up to fight.
(The blind man went to see fair play;
the mute man went to shout "hooray!")
Back to back they faced each other,
drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
and came and killed the two dead boys.
A paralysed donkey passing by
kicked the blind man in the eye;
knocked him through a nine-inch wall,
into a dry ditch and drowned them all.
If you don't believe this lie is true,
ask the blind man; he saw it too,
through a knothole in a wooden brick wall.
And the man with no legs walked away.
(This poem was taught to me a long time
ago by nobody, but her name escapes me.)
In the middle of the day, one dark night,
Identical twins, went out to fight.
One was black, the other was white,
Both their mothers, in a state of fright.
They faced each other, back to back,
Brother to brother, white and black.
"What shall we do?" cried each mother.
They drew their swords, and shot each other.
A deaf state trooper, heard the noise,
Shot and killed, the two dead boys.
Although deceased, the two boys sued.
The blind judge noticed, they were both subdued.
"The law's the law! You both must hang!"
"In the electric chair", the jury sang.
"We're sorry", cried the two dead boys.
"We thought the swords were just plain toys"
Their bodies did lay, side by side,
In unkown graves, marked "Hare Nor" "Hide"
You never knew which did the errands,
Identical twins, 'cept for their parents.
All old children, please beware,
Of killing dead boys, anywhere.
You must learn, that once you do,
They might come back, and then sue you. |
